Perineum Falcons

Click HERE to listen!

Our gracous hosts at the Hog Hut in Chariton, Rick Hamilton, his wife Sharon and another couple shared a $1 million prize from the lotto.  After taxes etc. each person gets $175,000.  The P Falcons are some luck bringing sons o’ bitches.

I’m posting this as its own post so that all can see and update their Perineum Falcons Scorecard.

Chamois Skidmarked -3
Cars Towed – 7
Cats Raped – 53
Drunken Angry Clowns – 1
Arrests – 1
Asses Flashed – lost count
Relationships Ruined – 4
Most Tats Applied to 1 girl – 5
Wahmbulances Called – too many
Cheetos Stuck to Dr. N’s Ass – 36
Food Stuffs Eaten Off Ground – 2
Best Left Tit Medals Awarded – 1
(Congratulations to Jenny for her second career win in this category. Annie has vowed to train for a first place finish next year.)

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  Preggers pulls muscle pooping in cornfield.

• Richard Thompson: Nicest, most mild mannered team member gets berated by state troopers and arrested in Ottumwa for kicking a can after a drunken night of harassing people with stickers. Upholds team reputation as “A disgrace to Iowa”.…Richard Thompson, $300, Richard Thompson. 

Listen to Richard’s call from jail HERE!

• Mike James pulls off the impossible “Canned Ham” through the front windshield of the P Falcon. We saw way too many guys asses this year, by the way.
• Marc Monroe gives faulty weather report, nearly drowning team.
• Driver, Dede and several other P. Falcons punished for their Ragbrai transgressions by being repeatedly dunked in a tank of water by small children at the “Hog Hut” in Chariton.
• Mike James stuns crowd by eating sloppy joe bun off wet sidewalk, claiming “There’s no good biological reason for me not to eat this.”  Later in week continues trend by eating a free porkchop that had been dropped in the grass.
• Bacon McRainbow named official team breakfast, which is now, by the way, Jace’s new nickname.  Or “Bacon” for short.
• Man spotted jumping into pond naked, with what appeared to be a small black sweater tied around his waist.
• Jenny tries out Lois’ fake penis.  (For peeing, not the other thing.)
• Marc Monroe propositioned by 50 yr old biker chick in line for bathroom at Hog Hut:  “Wanna come in with me?”   Marc declines.  50 yr old biker chick shrugs, enters bathroom, spends 10 minutes clogging toilet and quickly scampers away without making eye contact.  Marc is disgusted, yet thankful he did not take her up on her offer.
• Mike James given hook shaped tattoo by bus bungee.
• Unnamed P Falcon accomplishes “the Big 5” lick on tattoo locations on a single girl.

Wanker gets his own set of headlines.

Wanker attempts stunt ramping of Marc Monroe.

Wanker punts cans off riders package.

And

Wanker breaks up bar brawl in Mt. Pleasant. (No picture available)

Hiya Team -

The countdown is on, we will be tuning up the Falcon and heading out for RAGBRAI XXXVII 7 months, 22 days, 7 hours, 45 minutes ago

Your favorite lazy boi rider here…  We wanted to introduce you to our newest piece of high tech trash.  We are launching the new team website:  www.perineumfalcons.com ,  of if your a lazy sagger like me you can simply type pfalcons.com

We’ve added a team forum, so we can stop our 90 thread email replies, you can register and start chatting today! Create your account and start posting.  Even if you don’t want to post,  please register so we can add your email to the newsletter distribution.

You can subscribe via RSS to the forums, or set up email alerts to see new posts.

Keep in mind we are still working on polishing the site, but wanted to provide you better tools to communicate with.

Check it out, register for the site, and if you’d like to have the ability to contribute to blog posting or other news, send me an email and I’ll elevate your permissions for posting to the main site.

We hope you are excited for RAGBRAI 2009! Hellz yeah!

Cheers,

Tweener
Professional Sagger

Join the forum discussion on this post - (2) Posts

The site is under continuing development.
Joe & Jace are working hard to get the back end up and running … our digital manipulator Marc is working on the design.   More to see here over the next few weeks…Until then, register for the site and add any comments and posts you damned well please.  Once we have most of us registered, we will  have an email distribution list and can use this as the main forum for team communications.

Now you pod pulling, barrel assed apes start training your livers, cause I plan on getting effed up and doing some things I’ll regret on RAGBRAI!

Now go post in the forum..