Perineum Falcons

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  Preggers pulls muscle pooping in cornfield.

• Richard Thompson: Nicest, most mild mannered team member gets berated by state troopers and arrested in Ottumwa for kicking a can after a drunken night of harassing people with stickers. Upholds team reputation as “A disgrace to Iowa”.…Richard Thompson, $300, Richard Thompson. 

Listen to Richard’s call from jail HERE!

• Mike James pulls off the impossible “Canned Ham” through the front windshield of the P Falcon. We saw way too many guys asses this year, by the way.
• Marc Monroe gives faulty weather report, nearly drowning team.
• Driver, Dede and several other P. Falcons punished for their Ragbrai transgressions by being repeatedly dunked in a tank of water by small children at the “Hog Hut” in Chariton.
• Mike James stuns crowd by eating sloppy joe bun off wet sidewalk, claiming “There’s no good biological reason for me not to eat this.”  Later in week continues trend by eating a free porkchop that had been dropped in the grass.
• Bacon McRainbow named official team breakfast, which is now, by the way, Jace’s new nickname.  Or “Bacon” for short.
• Man spotted jumping into pond naked, with what appeared to be a small black sweater tied around his waist.
• Jenny tries out Lois’ fake penis.  (For peeing, not the other thing.)
• Marc Monroe propositioned by 50 yr old biker chick in line for bathroom at Hog Hut:  “Wanna come in with me?”   Marc declines.  50 yr old biker chick shrugs, enters bathroom, spends 10 minutes clogging toilet and quickly scampers away without making eye contact.  Marc is disgusted, yet thankful he did not take her up on her offer.
• Mike James given hook shaped tattoo by bus bungee.
• Unnamed P Falcon accomplishes “the Big 5” lick on tattoo locations on a single girl.

Wanker gets his own set of headlines.

Wanker attempts stunt ramping of Marc Monroe.

Wanker punts cans off riders package.

And

Wanker breaks up bar brawl in Mt. Pleasant. (No picture available)